Step 1. Don’t use bare hands to remove a bat from your home.
Put on heavy leather gloves. Put on giant, puffy winter mittens and curse the fact that you don’t own heavy leather gloves.
Step 2. Isolate bat in one room and open a window or door. Leave the bat alone so he can find his way out.
Success! Go back to bed. Bat decides to crawl under closed bedroom door instead of flying out of wide open front door leading to freedom. Realize that you are dealing with a not so bright bat. Curse the stupid bat.
Open bedroom window so that bat may fly away. Bat decides to hang out on the blinds covering the bedroom window. Put on heavy sweatshirt and sunglasses. Hide under a sheet while you contemplate your next move. Try to take photos of bat without uncovering any part of yourself.
Success! Go back to bed. Bat falls off of window and into a box of craft supplies. Ask bat to take an IQ test.
Steps 6, 7, 8…. Cover box with a towel. Pick up box and run outside while shrieking. Drop box on ground, remove towel. Wait for bat to fly away. Gently nudge box. Bat stays in box and starts squeaking. Take more photos of the bat. Attempt to pry bat out of the box using a butterfly net. Bat makes noises like an angry squirrel and clings to box. Abandon box, bat and craft supplies. Briefly consider writing a note warning neighbours about bat in box. Write a ridiculous blog post instead.
For actual helpful advice on removing a bat from your house click here.